Tuesday, April 04, 2006
` after bathing. i came up with new thoughts again. i think i should blog it out. because i cant possibly keep everything in my heart right? so... here it goes. but to some people who think am sprouting nonsense again, PLEASE DO NOT SCROLL DOWN. IT WILL HURT YOUR ANGELIC EYES! the more i read someone's blog the angrier i am. ..
seriously, everything is not amanda's fault lah. so you no need to ttm so much. but however sometimes its because of you. i only say sometimes. but most of the times is because of other things. and amanda, trust is not the problem now. it is understanding. dont keep saying that i bloody nv care abt your feelings. but did you in the first place? sometimes yes? sometimes no? i want you to kindly recall the past and say how many times have i left you all without saying a word? i bet more than 3 times? so. whats the problem with me now? i keep on giving reasons trying to divert away the real reason. why am i doing so? because i dont want to break up the friendship. and check my blog archives, how many times have i mention the word "depression and depressed"? i bet is X times. so, what has happened to me again?
remember this phrase "i always put up a smile to hide the pain.." yup. i have been hiding everything inside my heart so as not to destroy this relationship. however, i have not success. recall; when we go out, am always the one walking in front, or being left at the back. how would you feel? after sch; am always the one waiting for you all.. have you all been waiting for me? i dare not say never. but most of the time, am the one waiting. afterall, you might say we are from the different class. so, our relationship might change abit. and our timetable might be different. what you all say in class i dont know. so am always out of the topic.
i believe my friendship with amanda wont change/ broken up so easily.. anyway, am stressing again.. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. and i still dont understand whats the two side thingy. and so you agree that somebody's blog is referring to me? oh how glad. some overage ppl right? wow. what a "nice" word to use on my family members.
i love to blog, i love to bitch around, i love to badmouth people, i have so many things to hide/avoid/ashamed off. these habits of mine makes me soooooo much different from you. you say i nv do anything. so why must i purposely send the sms wrongly to yiwen? i was the one who have taken the first step. you leh? stand there and wait for the stars to drop? did you bother to do anything?
rafi is right... am always the one taking the first step. doing all the things. and lastly, the one who always kenna all the faults. my ordeal of life. i might be bull-shitting right now. i dont care! feel free to leave. in the first place, i nv invite you to come here.
your attitude towards wan tat is a classic example. you cant stop ppl from mixing around. you cant stop him from talking to his friends. you dont own the whole world. well... overage ppl!
Nings`0.6
I LOVE YOU 9:14 PM